the two times I got the urge to steal
1. I went to lunch with my coworker when we got back from break. I ordered ahead from this sandwich place downtown that I love; he had brought his lunch, but asked me to grab him a soup and Diet Coke (in a can) and he’d give me cash later. While I was paying for the food, my eyes fixed on the stack of cups the sandwich place has for their fountain drinks. My brain immediately started poking at me to ask for a cup “for the Diet Coke, you see” that I would then use to get myself a root beer from the fountain.
2. On the way home from a hike on Sunday, Emily and I passed a house that still has a bunch of Christmas decorations up. There were about a dozen candy canes that (I assume) light up lined up across the lawn, and, again, my brain sent a message to my legs to run up and take one, because “they have so many, and I have none.”
Trying to get better at saying, “Well, THERE’S the door,” and then pointing to the door, having fully accepted and prepared myself for the person’s exit.
The second part is no problem. It’s the initial articulation of the words that still escapes me.
I have a question. Have we really earned saying something happened “last year” yet? It was only a couple days ago.
I read that a good way of getting rid of bad or unhealthy thoughts is to write them down on a piece of paper and throw them away. Seems reasonable enough. Saying something happened last year so soon (and the “See you next year!” when saying goodbye to a friend at 4pm on NYE) translates to me as a similar mindtrick.
Anyway, I had a saved draft of a running tally of shit (cat dying, ending a long relationship, getting, just, so many traffic tickets, having bronchitis for two months) and non-shit (feeling settled in my apartment, eating a bunch of $5 burgers) to come back to whenever I consciously decided mid-event to remember it. I read the draft over a bunch of times on Monday and over the course of the couple days prior to posting it, and yeah. I felt unsettled. For the first time in a long while, the bad stuff of the year outweighed the good stuff. On the Internet (social networks, specifically) we don’t talk about the bad stuff. I mean, not really. There are very few people who can get tragic online without inducing eye rolls. I am not one of those people.
So, I deleted the draft. Good stuff happened in 2012, and good stuff that already existed prior to it (friends, happy hours, Parks & Rec) continued to thrive. That’s all that really matters. The rest can go in the trash.
I mean. Except for the traffic tickets. I should probably pay those.